Are you anxious about growing older? Have you ever worried about how you would find a continuing care retirement community for yourself or your parents? Do you understand what the doctor is telling you?

As the Elder for Congregational Care last year, I was very involved in identifying the care needs of our members and setting up the program of the Health Care Manager. Little did I know that the lessons I learned in implementing this program were lessons I would be able to apply to dealing with my 90+ year-old parents.

For three years, my sisters and I had been encouraging our parents to either move near us or to a continuing care facility near their northwestern Ohio home. They loved their home (and I did too) for it was designed and built for them on several acres of land along the Portage River. They told us that moving from their home was the kiss of death. The more we pushed for them to move, the more they pushed back.

To assist them in their home, they used the services of Meals on Wheels and Lifeline and hired the neighbors to help with their housekeeping; shrubbery, flowers, and expansive lawn; the mail; the trash; the newspapers. Mom’s world had shrunk to the kitchen table, the living room sofa, and her bed. Dad, more mobile, became Mom’s caregiver and left the house only for groceries, banking, and medical appointments. They had stopped attending their beloved church and Golden Oldies activities. My sisters and I became more alarmed with every phone call and visit.

In early June Mom awakened in the middle of the night unable to get out of bed and was admitted to the hospital. Their closest daughter lived 2 ½ hours away; one daughter was in California, and I resided in Maryland. Their lives were changing dramatically. We, of course, were there at their side as soon as possible, but how would we provide adequate and loving care for them from afar?

I remembered the lessons I had learned while on Congregational Care and contacted the RUC Health Care Manager. She immediately put me in contact with a gerontology care manager team in their area – “Sally”, a social worker and “Karen”, a nurse. After an interview, we daughters hired them for a flat fee that would allow unlimited phone calls and e-mails and 20 hours of “face-time” with Mom and Dad.

Sally and Karen were indispensable in serving as advocates for our parents and guiding us all in the transition. We contacted them night and day. They assessed our parents’ medical, social, financial, environmental, and psychological needs; monitored their health and well-being; held their hands in the ER; interpreted their doctors’ orders; served as a liaison among the doctors, the facilities, the family, and Mom and Dad; researched continuing care facilities; attended care meetings in the rehab center; saw that the legal papers were in order; notarized documents; presented a financial inventory, contacted Medicaid; arranged transportation; counseled us through our tears; and gave an unbiased, professional view of our family dynamics.

Today our parents share a large, sunlit room in a skilled nursing facility in the county near their old home. Instead of Dad’s moving to an assisted-living wing, he chose to live together with his wife of 67 years. Mom is self-propelling her wheelchair through the facility visiting new and old friends. Dad has arranged for a home health care aide to drive him to run errands and is planning to organize activities. Together they are taking advantage of the activities, including the County Fair, and enjoying the many visits of friends. They seem happy and relieved to be in their new home!

My sisters and I are able to sleep nights knowing that they are happy and safe. We continue to visit, celebrate with our parents this stage in their lives, and feel blessed that we can! We thank our care management team for easing the transition for all of us!

Do you have a similar concern in your family? Check with the Congregational Care Committee here at RUC, and discuss confidentially how you and your family might be helped by a Care Manager.